And heres the third part of the Jesus Chronicles.
And the Devil took me into his arms and just as we were about to kiss !POOF!
Mary:(drunken slurr)Whats going on here?
Me:OMG are you the Virgin Mary,and are you drunk?
Devil:She may be the Virgin Mary but they never said any thing about sober, why do you think Jesus made water into wine.
Mary:You'd be drunk too if some floating guy in white shot a beam of white light into you and a baby shot out of you, how do think it feels to be "THAT WEIRD VIRGIN GIRL", (yelling) ITS NOT THAT FUCKING GREAT!!!!!
Me: Oh, well. Ummm...I heard you invented gays.
Mary: Yes I did, and I'm proud too. Men with men is the best, no mysterious babies there. Ha Ha!
Devil:Mary, are you all right?
Me:Whats that in your hand?
Mary:This (staggering drunkenly) is the HOLY GRAIL, Milwakees best, WOO HOO!!!!!!!!
Me:(to devil)Is she usually this bad?
Devil:Not usually, today must have been a hard day.
Me:What does she do thats so hard?
Mary:What do I do, WHAT DO I DO, I'm the patron saint of women, I have to go all around the world to help these whiny bitches, and do they thank me, DO THEY THANK ME, NO THEY DONT, god dammit!!!
Me:But it can"t be that hard, there arent hardly any virgins anymore, at least not where I live, maybe thats why I never see you, hmmm.
!POOF!
Jesus:Did someone call? Oh (to devil) what are you doing here?
Devil:I am simply visiting my dear boy Kyle here, but if you want something to do, you can take her, she's had a bad day.
Mary:You're not taking me ANYWHERE, I want to party with the Devil, he's sinful, ha ha get it.
Mary dances around dropping the top of her toga revealing a scandalous tiny polka dot bra.
Mary:Oops, guess I'm a bad girl, are you gonna make me confess me Jesus, ha ha, that sounded wrong, especially since I'm you're mom, eewww!
Devil:Yeah Jesus why don't you take her, huh, come on be a man.
Jesus:Don't start with me Satan, I'm not in the mood.
Me:What, did you eat more bad pancakes, ooh (to devil) did you make that hilarious commercial with Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head?
Devil:That's a bit off topic, but yes.
Mary: I LOVE POTATOES, WOO HOO, I'M GOING TO BE ON CRAZY VIRGINS GONE INSANE DUE TO WEIRD ANGEL LIGHT SEX, WOO HOOO.
Me: Ummm....Jesus was she always this way or just when you were born.
Jesus:(quietly)After I was born.
Me:What?
Jesus:After I was born, yes my birth made Mary insane, ok happy.
Mary:YES YOU MADE ME INSANE, THE HOLY SAVIOR DIDNT SAVE ME, HE MADE ME CRAZY, WOOOO HOOO I LOVE BEING DRUNK, THATS WHY I STARTED CONFESSION, THAT COMMUNION WINE IS AMAZING.
Me: You started communion, jeez Jesus did you do anything, or did you just watch.
Devil:He did always like to be off to the side.
Jesus:You know what we are leaving come on mother!
Mary:No I don't wanna go, I wanna stay with the homo-!POOF!
Me:Well, that certainly was interesting, now where were we?
Devil:I believe I was going to condemm you.
Me:Oooh, hey do you have a webcam?
Devil:What?
TO BE CONTINUED....
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