Well idk where to start with this. Zach (my ex) told me today that in order for me to get better, to be completely over him and able to function on my own that we cannot talk at all. I won't be able to text him till I am completely 100% better, he will know too, which sucks cause I can't just lie. As much as I hate to admit it he's right. Doing this gives me initiative to be better because then we can be friends, I'll be able to talk to him on the phone without him getting aggravated and without me crying my eyes out. Its just gonna be so hard, he knows me so well, I told him everything, which I know is bad. I should be able to tell other people stuff, not just him. So for the next couple of weeks, hopefully that's all it takes, I will probably have my ups and downs.
So besides telling me this he also told me about my personality flaws, which despite what he thinks I knew about I just didn't want to admit them because I didn't want to add them to the growing pile of stuff I deal with. He told me that I am immature, I'm needy, and that I need people to constantly pay attention to me, along with a whole bunch of other things that I can't remember. Now several of these I agree with, I am needy, and I am immature. However I hate when people pay attention to me, I don't like being the center of attention, I prefer to be off to side but not a wall flower. I asked him what things about me are immature and at first he refused to tell me, saying that its bad I need him to tell me. I admitted that putting statuses on Facebook saying "Dear so and so, please have my babies, you're sexy" are bad which it is. He then said that drawing naked men the way I do is bad, not because I draw them but instead of making them artistic nudes I make them smutty. He also said that the funny conversations I have with my best friend Mindy, where we jokingly call each "bitches" and "whores" or where we pretend to be different people, are immature too. I agreed with him but I'm sorry, I don't care if doing those things make me immature I'm not changing them. Those two things really make me who I am and if I were to stop doing those two things it would completely change me. So apart from those things I am going to change and become a more mature adult, after all I am almost 20.
I am getting tired and losing my train of thought, so I may continue this post another time but as for now this is my life right now. Whatever, I'll deal with it, I should be used to dealing with pain by now.
First off- when it concerns your art- tell your ex to shove off. You have your own style of drawing and I have seen your work via DeviantArt not once did I think it was smutty. Your style is different than most and I do believe you are working on your skills as well correct? As time goes by your style and technique will change and grow.Never let anyone put your art down!
ReplyDeleteI also don't believe you are immature for pretending to be a different person. Last time I checked that was the sole purpose of a Role Playing game. Furthermore I believe pretending/ or role playing another person is key to writing. I saw your writings via your DA journal. Take pride that you have such a creative and vivid imagination. Some people may find this to be immature because they simply do not understand. I am a writer myself- working on my first novel.When I create a character I become that character I know the likes, dislikes, weaknesses, you name it and for very good reason.You want to pull the reader in using your characters. So I say pretend away! keep up the good work! and continue writing :)
Also since I am the kind of person who speaks my mind- especially via facebook post what you want- it is your facebook account one and two- even if you post something you may not like later- it is okay! Lesson learned right? Also your 20 and there is so much to learn. I am always constantly learning! I am not much older though I am the ripe age of 25! But I still post stupid shit on facebook ( there is a delete post option for a reason- I have a temper- thank goodness for the delete option lol)
And last but not least I am sorry to hear that you are having some up's and down's.... Gotta love life's roller coaster ride- Enjoy the good times and grow from the bad I always say!
Also pain is not the norm, immerse yourself into a project. Work on yourself and love yourself for who you are. I send luck and well wishes your way!
Lexxy
p.s We took digital media together at AAU- right? I think that is right! lol! Fall semester is approaching!Are you ready??