So I thought I would post an entry just about my life so far and where it's going and all that wonderful stuff. A general summary of everything that's happened in the past couple of weeks would be "Really stressful" or "Incredibly emotional". I am going to split this entry into five sections, School, Family, Work, Love, and Personal.
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So, first up is school. That's a crazy issue right there. After going to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for three and a half quarters I have finally realized that I cannot get to where I want by going to this school. I knew from the beginning that the major I went into (Media Arts and Animation) was not for me but I thought it would help with drawing comics. I found out this quarter that it focuses mainly on the computer and not old school 2d animation. I researched schools and found a great one, The Academy of Art University. It is based in San Francisco but it also has 100% online classes. I will be getting my major in Illustration, which is exactly what most comic book artist take. The classes I will be taking are exactly the type I need, including ones on comic page layout and fantasy creature design. I haven't applied yet due to money issues but hopefully that will all be resolved soon enough. This school looks so perfect, it seems exactly like what I've been looking for. Here is a link to the Academy's Illustration section: Illustration
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Well now onto family. Life here in the Reinhardt household is crazy. I have two brothers but I seem to get stuck with all the chores. My mother says everyone has designated jobs, but then how comes I get stuck with doing others work. It is my little brothers job to feed the dogs and I ended up doing that yesterday and it's my older brothers job to take out the garbage and I did that tonight. My mother constantly yells at me, and won't listen to me when I try to explain things. She gets mad when I say I do everything, and if I try to tell her to do something she get angry. If I could get counseling for this family I would in a heart beat. For once in my life I would like someone in my family to listen to me with yelling or interrupting me. *sigh* We also extremely tight on money. I don't have the money to apply to my new school now and our car just broke down so money will be stretched even further.
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As for work, I have applied to a couple jobs. Crazy Mocha and Starbucks, I didn't want to work while going to Aip because it's really stressful working on my homework projects and then dealing with working too, but money is so tight I need to work. However since I withdrew from Aip I have more time on my hands, and when I eventually do go to school I will be online, so I will have a more flexible schedule. I may not be able to go to my new school until the spring semester due to money, and if that happens I will at least have more time to save up for my own laptop and other things for school. If anyone has ideas for possible places to apply please let me know because I need the money. :)
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Aah, now for the love section. This is gonna be long. You remember that guy Zachariah Davis I posted about I while ago who I was/is so in love with. Well, we broke up, or more like he broke up with me. I understand now why he did it, he didn't feel a "connection" with me, he did feel one with his ex though. It all started about a week after our one month anniversary. His ex Adam had come to stay with him, I was fine with this because I too was staying at Zach's place that night so I knew nothing would happen. We all had a fine time together, I had to leave the second day to go home, Adam had stayed on to go to Anthro-Con. I went back to Zach's the next day and saw just in time for Adam to leave. Zach and I went up to his room to lay down, and Zach told me he had slept with Adam, when he explained it to me he made it sound like he raped Adam, he lied. Him and Adam had made love which hurt me so much. Zach decided that to apologize to me we would go to his home town for the week of the 4th of July. The ride there was fun enough and I was feeling fine and had a fun first three days. The fourth day Zach was talking to Adam on the phone and I listened through the door, I did it to make sure I could trust him again. The snippets of conversation I heard made it sound like he was going to break up with me, when I confronted him he told me that he was having trouble building a "connection" but he did love me. We both agreed to keep trying. The rest of the week was going fine until we decided to go to a party his parent's friends were throwing. Zach and I decided to stay up all night and just go to the party. We got there and had some food, but Zach had become extremely tired and was leaning against so he wouldn't faint. The host of the party thought we were making out and asked us to stop because he had children there. We both became very angry and got into Zach's car and sped away. His parents got angry that we got angry and followed us home and proceeded to yell at Zach and then his father had the nerve to call me out as if I was his own child. He then told me to my face that "He didn't want me there." I managed to make it the last two days, but the ride home with his family was so stressful. During the drive a female driver cut his father off and he proceeded to chase the girl down the high way like a child, I was seconds from screaming at him. Anyway, we made it home and Zach and I were fine, we had a great couple of days after that. Then he came to my house about four days after the family visit and I knew something was wrong because he had brought the books I lent him. He broke up with me. The entire world fell apart, I had never felt so hurt. He always said my eyes had this amazing light in them and in that moment he say them die, I am not exaggerating, he said that. I understand why he did it and I know how sorry he is, we are still great friends and he still apologizes for hurting me so much.
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Now basically I am going to try and get all the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head out and typed out. I feel fine now, I'm not upset or angry anymore, I don't want to die or give up. But I was mad at one thing, after he broke up with me he went back with his ex. I knew it was going to happen but out of of respect for me and my feeling he could have waited more than two days. Everything else I was just upset about. I loved him (I still love him and I'm never going to not love him), I wanted to marry him. There are few things I am sure about in the world but there are/were two things. 1) I want to draw comic books and 2) I wanted to marry Zachariah Davis. I still don't think he knows how many times a day I spent fantasizing about being with him for the rest of my life. Whenever we looked at engagement rings or furniture I think he thought I was kidding about buying them for us in the future but I never was, I was never more serious. I am over him now, he doesn't believe me, but I am. I know I will find the one for me and feel that connection. However I am always going to love him, no matter what, he told me my love has to change but I won't let it. I won't let those feelings just vanish into nothing. I just hope he knows how much he means to me and how I will never let him go, I will always be there for him.
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Well, thanks everyone for listening to me rant about everything. More drawings are to come and more stories!!!
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