Four those of you who read my Jesus Chronicles series on Facebook, and for those of you who just discovered them, you'll all be glad to know that I just finished part four. Let me know how you like it, I really believe this one is quite funny. And if anyone is extremely religious or easily offended or both, then don't read it.
Well it turns out the devil did have a webcam, but we were to busy doing “other things” to worry about that. However one day, as I was doing the dishes, again, Jesus popped up again.
POOF!!!
Me: For christ's sake, can't you knock and why must you bother me while I do the dishes!!!
Jesus: I am sorry but we gotta go right now!!
Me: What is it, do you need a pancake fix, I got some instant batter if that's the issue.
Jesus: NO I DON'T NEED PANCAKES!!! The world is going to end soon, I thought I would be nice and save you from it.
Me: Oh is this about Toy Story 3, you really think the world is going to end, I think the Devil would have informed me.
Jesus: Oh well ummm this is embarrassing.
Me: What is, is there something you should be telling me Jesus, are you keeping secrets?
Jesus: Ummm, well the truth is, I didn't come here because of the apocolypse, which isn't really going to happen, but because well...
Me: What is it, spit it out already Jesus, how do you get anything done, no wonder angels speak for you.
Jesus: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU OK? I'M SECRETLY FREAKING IN LOVE WITH YOU, OH MY GOD CAN YOU LET A MAN SPEAK!!!
Me: Ok ok, don't crucify me (heh heh), so Jesus the almighty is a secret homosexual, how about that.
POOF!!!
Mary: (drunken slur) I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT ALL ALONG, EVER SINCE THAT SUCKER POPPED OUT MY VIRGIN VAGINA, I SAID “HE'S GONNA LIKE THE PENIS SOMEDAY!!!!
Jesus: MOTHER!!! would you please quite down, and why didn't you say anything earlier?
Mary: Oh I'm sorry, I was to busy dealing with the fact that I just birthed a magical angel light beam baby, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, I GUESS I'M JUST SO SELFISH!!!
Me: Maybe we should just all calm down, huh, Mary I have some very nice vodka over at the bar, would you like some?
Mary: You better you sweet tushy I would, where is the stuff?!?!?!?!?
While Mary was busy fixing a VERY big drink, the Devil also appeared.
POOF!!!(only with flames and stuff, he is the Devil)
Devil: So I heard through the grapevine that someone is a homosexual?
Jesus: How do you learn these so fast, seriously?
Me: Maybe he's like Santa Claus, sees you when your sleeping and stuff, OMG ARE YOU SANTA!!! Does Santa really exist, cause I can only take so much of this.
Devil: No I'm not Santa, and you can find out for yourself someday if he is real, and Jesus, I see everything. Plus we all knew it would happen someday.
Jesus: What do you mean you all knew, for crying out loud this is ridiculous.
Mary: Stop whining (hiccup) it's OK that your gay, it's those crazy people you like believe in you and stuff that'll be pissed, man I can see their faces, HA HA HA HA HA HA(hiccup)
Me: Yeah, but how exactly would they even find out, it's not like anyone has really seen you, well exept me, which I'm still not sure why it was me, but whatever.
Devil: I agree I don't think Jesus has anything to worry about its just funny as hell, ha haha (get it funny as hell and I'm the Devil)
Jesus: Yes, that's soo funny, hardy har har. I hate you all, I come down here, to tell Kyle I'm a homosexual and you all take it as a joke.
Me: Hey, I didn't even say anything, the patron saint of alcoholism over there poofed over before I could even get a word out.
Mary: (to Jesus) Say you like the penis
Jesus: What?!?!
Mary: SAY YOU LIKE THE PENIS, sheesh are you deaf
Jesus: I will not say “I like the penis” that is completely horri-
Mary: HE SAID IT, HE SAID HE LIKES THE PENIS!!!!! WOOO HOO!!!
Jesus: Oh I've had enough of this, I'm outta here POOF
Devil: (to Mary) You should follow him, I'm sure he'd love to have you along to wherever he's going
Mary: Yeah your probably right, who wouldn't want me as their fag hag, and I'm off POOF (hiccup)
Me: What about you, where you gonna go?
Devil: I was gonna chill here, I'm sure you could think of something to keep me entertained
Me: Oh I bet I could *wink wink*
i love this so much, it was worth the wait :) and mary is definitely the "me" in this story
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